Thursday, December 1, 2011

MY SECRET PSYCHIC CAREER


Kathryn the Intuitive Reader

In the year 2000, the beginning of the new millennium, I took a 'leap of faith' and tried something different.  No longer stuck in the corporate world, I spent most of my time, blissfully shuffling Tarot cards and advising the callers, on my very own psychic hotline.  It was a situation I'd invented for myself to actually live the experience, first hand, and write a book about it some day.  


Instead of writing another 'how-to' book on how to read the cards, like a few of my friends have, I always thought it would be interesting to write about the callers, on the other end of the phone.  Who were these people?  What did they want to know bad enough to call someone all hours of the night, and pay them for a psychic reading?  My fantasy was that the front cover of this book would be a picture of me, with my crystal ball in one hand, my phone in the other, and with Tarot cards spread across the table.  


My husband, Ira, was okay with this little project, as long as I never told anyone about it.  He thought it was cheap and embarrassing -- probably, because it was.  And that's exactly why I loved it so much!

The switchboard was always blinking, and the price was the standard $100 dollars per hour.  Some paid with credit cards.  Some had accounts with me, and paid with monthly checks.  All of them made appointments well in advance, and I was usually booked solid.  Once business was out of the way, the ritual would begin.
Telephone Tarot Reading Ritual
Celtic Cross Spread


The white candle glowed behind the crystal ball, as I shuffled the cards and instructed the listener to close their eyes, take a deep breath, hold, and exhale, slowly.  Then, I'd say, "Think about your life right now.  Think about what you need to know about yourself, right now, in order to take your next step in evolution."  The cards would then be shuffled, cut, and laid out in a 'Celtic Cross' pattern.  Together, we discussed what the cards were saying, and decisions would be made, accordingly.  I didn't waste their time with too much lyrical stuff.  I was honest with them.  My honesty was the main building block that built such a large base of customers from all over the world!

Around Thanksgiving, our peaceful lives were interrupted by the dreaded wedding invitation of my husband's nephew, David.  It was the exact invitation of his sister, Michele, a few years before.  Ira said, as he was looking at the card, "Another sickening event designed by their mother.  I really don't know how my brother can stand being married to Trudy."

He observed that the wedding was to occur on the same annoying, inconsiderate date as Michele's, which was the day before Christmas Eve.  They would be married in the same temple in Long Island, by the same rabbi, and we could assume that there would be the same food, same flowers, and the same music played in the same sequence, by the same DJ.

The invitation itself was the same textured paper and silver print as Michele's.  The only thing different in all of this, was that instead of the names on the card saying, 'Marriage of Aaron and Michele,' it said, 'Marriage of David and Aliza.'  He said, as he read the card, "Aliza.  A-L-I-Z-A.  What the hell kind of name is that?"

On the second Friday of December, I appeared in person, as 'Kathryn the Intuitive Reader,' at the Sky Studio in Greenwich Village.  I was to read a combination of Tarot cards, and palms for the Christmas party of  DKNY, a clothing company owned by the fashion designer, Donna Karan.

There I sat, wearing a long, black velvet gown, with bright maroon lipstick, matching nails, shoes and jewelry.  My maroon hair was framed by a maroon turban, with a big maroon jewel dangling between my eyebrows, implying a 'third eye' -- giving me the title of an 'all knowing sage.'

At the dimly lit table with my white candle, crystal ball, and Tarot cards, shuffling away, I would start out by asking each person for his or her first name.  That way, I could hear their voices, and pick up their 'vibes.'   It was my way of 'breaking the ice.'  I spent the night reading cards, and palms, and the happy facial expressions of some of the most elegant people I've ever seen in my life!

With the exception of one very lovely, but very unhappy young lady, everyone was having a great time!  She waited patiently, for the chance to be read by me.  When I asked her for her first name, in the way that I started out my readings, she said that her name was Aliza, and that she was very sorry for 'bumming everyone out with her bad mood.'  She explained that she was 'freaking out' and couldn't have a good time.  Her wedding was two weeks away.  As sweet as her fiance was, she was angry with him and his family, because their entire wedding was planned without including any of her ideas.  She had no say in the arrangements of her own wedding.  Everything was the exact same as his sister's wedding a few years before, right down to the honeymoon.  She was worried that it was a clear indication that his family would be running her life if she married him.  She wanted to know if she should cancel the wedding while she still had the chance, and just cut her losses.  She said, "I really can't stand his mother!"

For some reason, I thought of Trudy.  I pointed at the crystal ball as if I could see her in it, saying, "I see her.  Yes ... I see her.  She's a ruthless bitch, with lines on her face, like a road map!"  As I acted out her obnoxious personality, I said, "This is her!"  I stuck my nose in the air and remarked how she justifies the fact that she always gets her way, by saying,  "Yeah, well -- I got good taste, and I know what I'm twalkin' about!" 

Aliza said, "Oh my God!  It's just like she's here!  Did you channel her spirit?"  I said, "No, you can only channel people if they're dead, and I don't deal with spirits!  I just see her taking over your life the minute you marry her son, unless you lay down the law, right now!


We stared at each other for a moment.  She began to panic, and asked me what I thought she should do.  I looked at the cards for more advice, and said, "Call him tonight!  Tell him that you're marrying HIM, not his MOTHER!  Otherwise, he can forget it!  Make sure he understands that you mean it.  Get a verbal 'pre-nup' out of him, and tell him that he better keep his promise.  She either stays out of your face, or you're gone!  He'll agree to it.  Don't worry.  He loves you."

With a big smile, she hugged me, and kissed me on both cheeks.  Joining the rest of the party, she left my table, as another happy customer!

A few weeks later, we went to David's wedding.  Because I couldn't care less about the situation, or what I looked like, I wore the same long, black velvet gown with bright maroon hair, matching lipstick, nails, shoes and jewelry.  The only things I left at home were the turban, and the forehead jewel as my 'third eye.'

At the reception, David and Aliza came over to where we were standing.  He said, "We're so  happy that you both came to our wedding," and introduced us to his new bride.  The bride looked at me and said, "You look so familiar!  I know you from somewhere."  I told her that I was thinking the same thing about her, but neither one of us could figure out from where.

As we were leaving, we put ourselves through the final task of saying goodbye to Trudy, and to complement her on another wedding she so expertly arranged.  She said, "Yeah, well -- I got good taste, and I know what I'm twalkin' about."

As if she couldn't try to impress us enough, she gushed as she mentioned that her new daughter-in-law, Aliza, had quite the glamorous career.  She was a fashion designer, working for a clothing company called, DKNY, and she worked 'closely with the famous Donna Karan!'


Avoiding the bride and groom, I grabbed my coat and made a quick escape to the parking lot!  I've often wondered if Aliza ever made the connection.  So much for my secret psychic career.  If she tells on me, I'll tell on her!
Tools-Of-The-Trade for Fortune Telling and Reluctant Wedding Attendance


24 comments:

  1. "I wore the same long, black velvet gown with bright maroon hair, matching lipstick, nails, shoes and jewelry. The only things I left at home were the turban, and the forehead jewel as my 'third eye.'"

    I need that outfit!

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  2. LoL! Ha! Ha! Thank you, Dicey! So good to hear from you!

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  3. I want a reading next time I come by!! You look great as a fortune teller!!

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  4. Hi Marta! I'll be sure to have the Tarot cards and crystal ball ready! And THANKS!

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  5. Thank you, Rochelle! I packed that stuff away about a decade ago, and when I put it all on for the photo, it was like being with an old friend! All those great memories came back!

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  6. Such a GREAT blog post! As always,I love your way of telling a story.
    I've nominated you for the versatile blogger award! Stop by my blog and see the details! http://jaser75.blogspot.com/

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  7. I love it... grinning.

    xxCatherine
    http://misscatherinegail.com (nsfw)

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  8. Very neat story!

    It's amazing how we can meet people in different circumstances and not realize from where, and that it comes back to us later ... and may provide some very interesting insights!

    Thanks for finding me on Twitter.

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  9. LOL! Thanks for the laugh. In-laws can be such a pain.

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  10. Your business sounds amazing. How do the callers find you?

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  11. Hilarious! Don't know if it's true but it is freakin' hilarious! Did you write the book?

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  12. One of the most entertaining reads I've had online in a long time. I'm now following you on Twitter! :)

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  13. It feels very pleased and great to know about your secret career as a psychic reader. I wish you best of luck for your goals and destinies in this field and wish you best of luck for your whole life.

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  14. Love it! What a terrific story. With your help theirs will be a happy-ever-after marriage. I think you could double your rates!!! :)

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  15. Great story! I enjoyed reading it.

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  16. All I can say is I hope you book gets published. It isn't yet, is it? I'll tell the world about it. Great post; wonderful writing.

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  17. Hi Kate, found your blog through Molly Greene and the first thing I read simply blew me away! Cannot make up my mind if story is true or not, either way, I love the way you write and will be checking out your books...
    Anita & Jay

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