JESUS CHRIST!

Although it was an unpopular thing to do, I actually liked my father.  No one else noticed that fact, but him.  He guarded that little secret well.  Liking him in that house was simply not allowed, even after he died.  If and when I defended his memory when Geraldine spoke badly of him, (which was always the case), it was perceived that I'd betrayed her.

In my father's lifetime, I couldn't count on one hand the things he's done that were ever good enough to meet up to Geraldine's standards.  It would be easier for me to name the times she spoke of how great her life would be, if he would just drop dead.


Well, her fantasy came true.  At the age of 54, he did just that.  The official cause of his death was conjestive heart failure.  In my professional opinion, I'd say, that the man died of sheer boredom.  Living alone with her would kill anyone.


On the night that he died, they were in the living room, watching "Magnum P.I.," the TV series with Tom Selleck.  Within the last fifteen minutes of the show, she went to the bathroom during a commercial.  On her way there, she said something to irritate my father.  She commented on how 'good looking' Tom Selleck was.  


Sitting on the couch, he made a sarcastic remark in retaliation to hers, took his last breath, and croaked.


A few years after my father left the planet, I got an unexpected call from Geraldine.  With a very excited tone in her voice, she said that she'd called to tell me that she'd just got married.  I said, "I didn't even know that you had a boyfriend.  How did this happen?"


She said, "Well, I met him in church.  I looked up, and there he was!  I prayed about it, and the Lord told me that I was supposed to marry him!  Ten days later, we just went off and got married!"


I said, "The Lord, huh?  Okay.  What's his name?"  I could feel her blush on the other end of the phone as she giggled.  With the voice of a small child, she said, "Beeeyil."


I said, "Bill?  Did you say that his name is Bill?  So, what's your last name, now?"  She said, "Snively," with another giggle.


I said, "Snively?  You mean, like 'Snidely Whiplash' on the Rockey and Bullwinkle cartoons?"  She just giggled.


I said, "Anything else I should know?"  She said, "He has four kids. Two boys and two girls, so that means you have four new sisters and brothers!  He has a daughter named, Kathy, too!  Just like you!"  I said, "Well, that's an excellent selling point."


She said, "He's standing right here, and he wants to meet you.  I'm going to hand him the phone, right now!  Here he is, now -- MEET Y'ER DADDY!"